Messier and Gary Coleman: Peas in a Pod

It's been quite awhile since I posted last. I apologize. But I hope to make it up to everyone by sharing the picture above. Yes, it's amazing.

First, the photo was taken sometime in the 1980s, the peak of Gary Coleman's career and in the midst of the Oilers Stanley Cup Dynasty. Which falls right into my theory that the NHL sucks at drawing celebs. Now, we know they've always sucked at it. The Oilers could only get Gary Coleman in the locker room? Really? We're talking about one of the great Dynasties in all of sports and they can only get Gary Coleman. Honestly, something needs to be done. Soon.

Second, presumably Coleman wants an autograph from Messier, which Messier obviously finds hilarious, like 'what could this guy possibly want with my autograph?' Maybe Gary Coleman is a hockey fan. I don't know. Also, Gary Coleman has an autograph book? (Or, conspiracy theorists, is Messier actually getting an autograph from Gary Coleman??? Wow, total mindfuck, there.)

Third, what's with that teeny tiny little towel Mess is wearing??? I mean, don't look too closely or you might see Mark Messier's penis. (How is that towel even staying on. It's obviously a hand towel. How is this possible?) It's probably the only time you'll ever see a 6-time Stanley Cup champion's penis, so have a look!

Fourth, Messier drinking a beer, post-game. That's fantastic.