Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Jacques Lemaire: Great haircut but are his coaching days numbered?

Here's a question for you: Should Jacques Lemaire be fired??? (That's him pictured above during his playing days. Handsome devil, isn't he?) The Wilds, despite a road win on Saturday, have lost 10 of their last 15 games. Somehow the team failed to get energized for the Vancouver game last Wednesday and was then completely dominated by the BJs on Friday. Two of the worst, most apathetic, unemotional, sloppy games in recent history. Things are so bad, the Wilds brass signed Todd Fedoruk. (Seriously, Fedoruk??? Is he really going to help?) And according to Mike Russo at the StarTribune, Jacques is pissed and calling out the veterans. All is not well in Wildstown. At this rate, making the playoffs is a fucking dream, my friends.

Last year, Jacques signed a contract extension through the 2009-10 season. But is it time for a new leader? A fresh system? Jacques is known for developing young talent. Maybe he's reached his peak with this team. He's done a lot for the our ice hockey club, no doubt about it. He's built a great foundation. But maybe, just maybe, it's time for a change. Any thoughts?

WILDS UPDATE: The Wilds have a very important 4 game homestand starting tomorrow night against The Yotes. That other Slovak with the groin injury might even play. Unfortunately, Foster is out after taking a slapshot to the face. (Apparently, his forehead is so swollen his helmet doesn't fit.) Nummelin was nearly decapitated last week. Harding's head was crushed against the goalpost. And of course, Koivu's leg is still broken after this happened. Yeah, that creepy Swedish guy was suspended for only 4 games. Yep, the NHL is a fucking joke, per usual.

Thursday, November 22, 2007


Pretty much what the Wilds looked like last night. Ish.

The BJs up next. Happy Thanksgiving!

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Aggressive Hockey is Back in Town!!!!

Remember the movie Slapshot? When Reg Dunlop pays the ambulance driver to do laps around the arena with the sirens blaring?? Yeah, that's pretty much what it will be like at the Xcel when the Canucks play the Wilds tonight. (Seriously, how awesome would it be if they had a couple ambulances driving up and down West 7th St.?!?!)

If you haven't already, read Mike Russo's story in the StarTribune today. It's excellent and sums up all the shit-talking from both teams. In the understatement of the year, Russo got this quote out of Brian Rolston:

"Any time a guy takes a two-hander and breaks another guy's leg, things are bound to get heated."

Yeah, I totally agree, Brian. Things will probably get a little heated tonight. On a serious note, this is why hockey is so great. In what other sport do players get to say these things??? It's just the best. So in anticipation of tonight's game, here's a Mr. Derek Boogaard "Greatest Hits" video I found on YouTube. (You should at least watch the first clip. Trust me.) Even Little PMB is talking shit, that's how tense this matchup will be tonight. Oh man, I would give anything to watch Little PMB take on Pinky or the Brain.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Mike Brown: Taking One for the Team

In the continuing saga of Mikko Koivu and the Attack of the Killer Swede, the always classy Vancouver Canucks (think Todd Bertuzzi, Brad May, Matt Cooke) called up minor league tough guy, Mike Brown, yesterday (that's him taking a shot to the ribs). The move is clearly in anticipation of the rematch with the Wilds on Wednesday night.

So who is this Mike Brown, you ask? He's the guy lucky enough to be thrown into the fire Wednesday night. Are the Wilds worried about Mike Brown? Umm, no. The thing is, Mike Brown has played in exactly 0 NHL games (although he has racked up a healthy number of penalty minutes playing for the Manitoba Moose). In a handful of preseason games with the Canucks, Mike has been involved in 4 fights. And his opponents aren't exactly impressive:

  • Jeff Friesen - Really, Jeff Friesen? Everyone knows Friesen doesn't fight. According to HockeyFights.com, Friesen's had 1 NHL fight. But I guess you have to start somewhere, right?

  • Matt Greene - Greene, the dooshy oaf D-man from the Oilers, is a step in the right direction. Kind of.

  • Jean-Francois Jacques - Mike, you fought a guy named Jean-Francois Jacques? You're not getting a lot of street cred with that one. Just saying...

  • Kent Huskins - I think we all remember Huskins from the playoffs last year. He dropped the gloves with Adam Hall and needed both Shawn Thornton and Brad May to help him out.

What's the point here? Well, Mike Brown is about to go from wrestling around on the ice with Kent Huskins to facing off against Mr. Derek Boogaard in his first NHL game. Is this the big opportunity he was hoping for? Probably not. I wonder how he'll sleep on Tuesday night. I think of him more as a sacrificial lamb, like a peace offering to the Wilds and Mr. Boogaard.

OTHER WILDS NEWS: This article by Scott Burnside of espn.com pretty much sums up the NHL and its lame suspension policy.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Pinky and Brain vs. Mr. Derek Boogaard

Last Friday night in Vancouver, the Wilds were thoroughly humiliated by the Canucks in a 6-2 loss. It was terrible and, apparently, physical. By now, you've all heard that Mikko Koivu was chopped down by Swedish thug, Mattias Ohlund. The video of the incident is above. But it's like I always say, you can never trust a Swede with a stick. Koivu, who is Finnish, presumably knows this. However, he made a grave mistake by turning his back on Ohlund after attempting to deliver a flying elbow. Then, WHACK!!! Ohlund laid the old two-hander on him. From the video we can see that Ohlund is no stranger to swinging an axe. I mean, that shit was straight out of the Great Outdoor Games (that's Ohlund in the middle under the alias Laurence O' Toole...I think). Perhaps, Ohlund didn't take the pre-game sauna to calm his nerves (also pictured: Naslund and those creepy twins). That was a mistake.

Unfortunately for Koivu and the Wilds, his fibula is cracked. So Mikko will be out at least one week. Ohlund was suspended for 4 games. The suspension seems fair. Of course, if Ohlund had actually amputated Koivu's left foot with the slash, I think the NHL would need to reevaluate its suspension criteria. Anyway, that means Ohlund won't be playing against the Wilds in St. Paul on Wednesday night, which I'm sure he's relieved about. Mr. Boogaard is already licking his chops.

In what is the funniest thing to come out of all this drama, Boogaard speculated to the Vancouver Sun that he might, "go out and slash Naslund or Pinky and the Brain twins". Hilarious. Wait? Who are Pinky and the Brain twins? Cartoon characters. Wikipedia says, "Pinky and Brain are genetically enhanced lab mice who reside in a cage in the Acme Labs research facility". Hmmm, that's not far off what Wikipedia says about the Sedin Twins - "Henrik and Daniel are genetically enhanced Swedish hockey players who reside in a cage in the Vancouver hockey arena, GM Place". Come to think of it, the resemblance is striking...Pinky and Brain - the Sedin Twins.

I really, really can't wait to see what happens on Wednesday night. Pinky and the Brain twins. Oh Derek, you kill me with your comedy!

Other Wilds News: Oh yeah, the Wilds beat up on Colorado yesterday afternoon, 4-1. Some guys named Matt Foy and Aaron Voros scored for the Wilds. Who the hell are these guys? Whatever. I like it.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Wilds continue domination of Edmonton Junior B team

Okay, okay. I kid. That wasn't a Junior B team you saw last night. It was the real Edmonton Oilers! In any case, the Wilds beat them for the 15th time in 19 tries, or so says Mike Russo at the StarTribune. Our newest and most favorite French Canadian, Eric Be-Lan-Jer (seen at left!), had a team record 4 assists. Even Marian Gaborik played last night, which was nothing short of a miracle. And he scored. I guess that's what they pay him for. You know, when he's actually playing.

NEXT UP: The Wilds travel to beautiful Vancouver for a game against the Canucks tonight. I only know a couple things about the Canucks:

1. Roberto Luongo is enormous. If you need a reason why goal scoring is down in the NHL, look no further. This guy covers the entire fucking net just standing there.

2. Those robot twins really creep me out. Enough said, I think.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

The Northwest Division: Can we be done with this already?

Hey guess what? The Wilds play the Oilers tonight...again. That'll be the fourth time this year, which means more than 20% of the Wilds games to date have featured the Edmonton Oilers, one of the top 5 worst teams in the NHL. I just want to thank the NHL for setting up such a great schedule because God knows I have no interest in watching teams like Montreal, New York, or Buffalo. Hell, I'd rather watch the Wilds take on Florida than the fucking Oil for the fourth time. Watching Alex Hemsky pussyfoot all over the ice is just killing me.

Wait there's more! Tonight's game will also be the 10th Northwest Division game the Wilds play this year. Yep, that's 10 games out of 18. So more than half their games have been played against Calgary, Edmonton, Colorado, or Vancouver. And luckily for Wilds fans, we watch the second lowest scoring division in the NHL, the Northwest!!! Hooraaay!! The only the division scoring fewer goals is the Atlantic. So that's great. Seriously, I can't take another divisional game. I don't even get excited to watch. It's like, "Oh. The Oil. Great."

WILDS NEWS: The Great Slovakian Groin might play tonight, but then again he might not. And it's waaaaay to early to tell if he'll play tomorrow night at Vancouver (yep, another Northwest Division game). So, you know, if you're planning on seeing lots of goals tonight, don't count on it. Learn more about the Oilers, a once great franchise, here.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Bettman & Satellite Radio: Who didn't see this coming?

In what has already been widely reported, Gary "Smug Prick" Bettman will host a live call-in show on XM Satellite Radio, called "NHL Hour". Bettman is one of the most hated figures in all of sports. No one knows how he has kept his job. Oh wait, the owners like him because they make lots and lots of money. (Guess what, Owners? You'd make more money if your games weren't hidden away in the deep, dark depths of cable TV hell. Read, Versus Channel.) On all other fronts, Bettman has been a complete and utter failure. He's a fool who doesn't understand hockey or its fans. What a dick.

Anyway, I've been trying to think of some questions for him and this is all I could come up with:
  • Bettman! Why are you such a smug prick?

  • Gary, every Monday night it takes me 15 minutes of wading through channels like Hallmark, Oxygen, and CSPAN3 before I finally find Versus. Seriously, you didn't think of this?? Versus is on channel 92!! That's not even an easy number to remember. Fuck.

  • How could you possibly suck at your job this much? How?? Tell me right now.

  • Gary, I hate you. Explain.

WILDS UPDATE: Since I've been away the Wilds are 2-3 and 2-5-1 in their last 8. That's not good. This guy is still out with a groin. Oh and so is this guy. And these guys are our best players. So that's too bad. The Wilds take on the Flames tonight in Cal-Gary.