Thursday, December 6, 2007

Jacques' Poll: Would a Dose of Levitra do the Trick?

Another terrible, horrible, no good, rotten game last night by the Wilds in a 3-1 loss to the Flyers. Mike Russo of the StarTribune said fans were booing it was so bad. I couldn't even watch the third period. And just think, 88% of you said Jacques is not on the hot seat. (See Jacques' Poll at right). Why not? This team doesn't play with any consistency. With the exception of Aaron Voros (we'll talk about him in days to come), no one plays with any passion. Backstrom let a goal in from outside the blue line, our best defenseman is a 72 year old Keith Carney, our best offensive threat is Voros a tall, gangling rookie, and the powerplay is a fucking joke. As my wife said last night after the Wilds botched another 5 on 3 advantage, "the enemy of good is perfect..." I was like, why aren't you coaching?

Let me highlight the problem at hand. The Wilds have exactly one win in games where the opponent scores the first goal. One win??? Guess how many wins they have when trailing after 2 periods.......two. That's right, they have two come from behind wins this season in 27 games. What a joke! Where's the heart, the grit and determination? Where's the ingenius bench strategy that Jacques is known for???

Yet, you people think Jacques has control over this ice hockey club. Now, admittedly, Jacques' Poll did coincide with a 4-game win streak by the Wilds, but still isn't the writing on the wall? This team needs to get it going. The Western Conference is so tight, the Wilds could easily miss the playoffs. What's the solution?

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Who said there's nothing to do in North Dakota?

In what is quickly becoming the must-see event of the season, former college hockey coaches Doug Woog and "Mean" Dean Blais will face off against each other in a game of bubble hockey. Yeah, that's right. Bubble hockey. They will play the game at center ice in Englestad Arena between periods of the Sioux-Gopher game this Friday. AND this match will be televised!!! So, don't tell me you've got nothing to do this weekend. You can always watch two old college hockey coaches play bubble hockey against each other. (Incidentally, have you ever watched a game of bubble hockey??? It's just about the most boring fucking thing on the planet. Playing is fun, watching not so much.)

Doug Woog, of course, coached the mighty Gophers and now acts as the Paula Abdul of Fox Sports North. I swear that guy is drunk every Saturday night game he broadcasts. Seriously, listen to him mumble and stumble through the game. "Mean" Dean Blais coached the Fighting Sioux to a couple of national titles. (By the way, Blais is mean. I went to his hockey camp and was about 10 seconds late to an on-ice meeting. He screamed for me to "skate 10 fucking laps, then get your ass back here!" I was 12. Also, I heard a rumor he punched one of his scramble partners in the face for missing a putt.)

If all that is true, Blais is going to fucking crush Woog. And if Mean Dean loses, I bet he jerseys Woog sends his drunk ass to the ice. Come to think of it, I will probably watch this.

WILDS UPDATE: Philly tonight. I hope Kim Johnsson keeps his chin tucked.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Jacques Lemaire: Great haircut but are his coaching days numbered?

Here's a question for you: Should Jacques Lemaire be fired??? (That's him pictured above during his playing days. Handsome devil, isn't he?) The Wilds, despite a road win on Saturday, have lost 10 of their last 15 games. Somehow the team failed to get energized for the Vancouver game last Wednesday and was then completely dominated by the BJs on Friday. Two of the worst, most apathetic, unemotional, sloppy games in recent history. Things are so bad, the Wilds brass signed Todd Fedoruk. (Seriously, Fedoruk??? Is he really going to help?) And according to Mike Russo at the StarTribune, Jacques is pissed and calling out the veterans. All is not well in Wildstown. At this rate, making the playoffs is a fucking dream, my friends.

Last year, Jacques signed a contract extension through the 2009-10 season. But is it time for a new leader? A fresh system? Jacques is known for developing young talent. Maybe he's reached his peak with this team. He's done a lot for the our ice hockey club, no doubt about it. He's built a great foundation. But maybe, just maybe, it's time for a change. Any thoughts?

WILDS UPDATE: The Wilds have a very important 4 game homestand starting tomorrow night against The Yotes. That other Slovak with the groin injury might even play. Unfortunately, Foster is out after taking a slapshot to the face. (Apparently, his forehead is so swollen his helmet doesn't fit.) Nummelin was nearly decapitated last week. Harding's head was crushed against the goalpost. And of course, Koivu's leg is still broken after this happened. Yeah, that creepy Swedish guy was suspended for only 4 games. Yep, the NHL is a fucking joke, per usual.

Thursday, November 22, 2007


Pretty much what the Wilds looked like last night. Ish.

The BJs up next. Happy Thanksgiving!

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Aggressive Hockey is Back in Town!!!!

Remember the movie Slapshot? When Reg Dunlop pays the ambulance driver to do laps around the arena with the sirens blaring?? Yeah, that's pretty much what it will be like at the Xcel when the Canucks play the Wilds tonight. (Seriously, how awesome would it be if they had a couple ambulances driving up and down West 7th St.?!?!)

If you haven't already, read Mike Russo's story in the StarTribune today. It's excellent and sums up all the shit-talking from both teams. In the understatement of the year, Russo got this quote out of Brian Rolston:

"Any time a guy takes a two-hander and breaks another guy's leg, things are bound to get heated."

Yeah, I totally agree, Brian. Things will probably get a little heated tonight. On a serious note, this is why hockey is so great. In what other sport do players get to say these things??? It's just the best. So in anticipation of tonight's game, here's a Mr. Derek Boogaard "Greatest Hits" video I found on YouTube. (You should at least watch the first clip. Trust me.) Even Little PMB is talking shit, that's how tense this matchup will be tonight. Oh man, I would give anything to watch Little PMB take on Pinky or the Brain.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Mike Brown: Taking One for the Team

In the continuing saga of Mikko Koivu and the Attack of the Killer Swede, the always classy Vancouver Canucks (think Todd Bertuzzi, Brad May, Matt Cooke) called up minor league tough guy, Mike Brown, yesterday (that's him taking a shot to the ribs). The move is clearly in anticipation of the rematch with the Wilds on Wednesday night.

So who is this Mike Brown, you ask? He's the guy lucky enough to be thrown into the fire Wednesday night. Are the Wilds worried about Mike Brown? Umm, no. The thing is, Mike Brown has played in exactly 0 NHL games (although he has racked up a healthy number of penalty minutes playing for the Manitoba Moose). In a handful of preseason games with the Canucks, Mike has been involved in 4 fights. And his opponents aren't exactly impressive:

  • Jeff Friesen - Really, Jeff Friesen? Everyone knows Friesen doesn't fight. According to, Friesen's had 1 NHL fight. But I guess you have to start somewhere, right?

  • Matt Greene - Greene, the dooshy oaf D-man from the Oilers, is a step in the right direction. Kind of.

  • Jean-Francois Jacques - Mike, you fought a guy named Jean-Francois Jacques? You're not getting a lot of street cred with that one. Just saying...

  • Kent Huskins - I think we all remember Huskins from the playoffs last year. He dropped the gloves with Adam Hall and needed both Shawn Thornton and Brad May to help him out.

What's the point here? Well, Mike Brown is about to go from wrestling around on the ice with Kent Huskins to facing off against Mr. Derek Boogaard in his first NHL game. Is this the big opportunity he was hoping for? Probably not. I wonder how he'll sleep on Tuesday night. I think of him more as a sacrificial lamb, like a peace offering to the Wilds and Mr. Boogaard.

OTHER WILDS NEWS: This article by Scott Burnside of pretty much sums up the NHL and its lame suspension policy.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Pinky and Brain vs. Mr. Derek Boogaard

Last Friday night in Vancouver, the Wilds were thoroughly humiliated by the Canucks in a 6-2 loss. It was terrible and, apparently, physical. By now, you've all heard that Mikko Koivu was chopped down by Swedish thug, Mattias Ohlund. The video of the incident is above. But it's like I always say, you can never trust a Swede with a stick. Koivu, who is Finnish, presumably knows this. However, he made a grave mistake by turning his back on Ohlund after attempting to deliver a flying elbow. Then, WHACK!!! Ohlund laid the old two-hander on him. From the video we can see that Ohlund is no stranger to swinging an axe. I mean, that shit was straight out of the Great Outdoor Games (that's Ohlund in the middle under the alias Laurence O' Toole...I think). Perhaps, Ohlund didn't take the pre-game sauna to calm his nerves (also pictured: Naslund and those creepy twins). That was a mistake.

Unfortunately for Koivu and the Wilds, his fibula is cracked. So Mikko will be out at least one week. Ohlund was suspended for 4 games. The suspension seems fair. Of course, if Ohlund had actually amputated Koivu's left foot with the slash, I think the NHL would need to reevaluate its suspension criteria. Anyway, that means Ohlund won't be playing against the Wilds in St. Paul on Wednesday night, which I'm sure he's relieved about. Mr. Boogaard is already licking his chops.

In what is the funniest thing to come out of all this drama, Boogaard speculated to the Vancouver Sun that he might, "go out and slash Naslund or Pinky and the Brain twins". Hilarious. Wait? Who are Pinky and the Brain twins? Cartoon characters. Wikipedia says, "Pinky and Brain are genetically enhanced lab mice who reside in a cage in the Acme Labs research facility". Hmmm, that's not far off what Wikipedia says about the Sedin Twins - "Henrik and Daniel are genetically enhanced Swedish hockey players who reside in a cage in the Vancouver hockey arena, GM Place". Come to think of it, the resemblance is striking...Pinky and Brain - the Sedin Twins.

I really, really can't wait to see what happens on Wednesday night. Pinky and the Brain twins. Oh Derek, you kill me with your comedy!

Other Wilds News: Oh yeah, the Wilds beat up on Colorado yesterday afternoon, 4-1. Some guys named Matt Foy and Aaron Voros scored for the Wilds. Who the hell are these guys? Whatever. I like it.