Tuesday, March 6, 2007

Mike Richter dropping the gloves with Congress

Surrounded by The Rockettes and wearing full pads and uniform, Mike Richter announced last week that he is considering running for US Congress in Connecticut's 4th District (Seriously, click the link). Richter, a former all-star goalie, helped the New York Rangers win the Stanley Cup in 1994. During the press conference, Richter vowed to wear his goalie mask throughout the campaign. He said if elected he would bring his goalie stick to all committee hearings "to show those conservative pussies there's a new sheriff in town." He also said that if given the chance, he would "playfully jersey" John McCain.

Richter said, "You know, if I walk by him in the men's bathroom I might pull his suit coat over his head and give him a couple quick ones to the ribs. Just to keep things light, keep him on his toes, let him know that I'm watching him." "Jerseying" is a technique widely used in hockey fights. A player will pull his opponent's jersey over his head and arms, rendering him immobile. This allows the player to repeatedly punch his opponent in the face.

Although critics say he has little or no political experience, Richter defended his experience, saying, "I played for Team USA! I blocked hockey pucks for my country, at home and abroad! I played against the Soviets during the Cold War! That's pretty much all the experience I need. McCain got a purple heart?? Who cares? My name is on the Stanley Cup. How many Congressmenpeoples can say that?"

He also pointed out that he was a patriot before "it was cool to be a patriot." Richter's goalie mask has an image of the Statue of Liberty painted on it. As he walked off the stage, Richter mumbled something about wanting to get Nancy Pelosi in the penalty box sometime, but the remark was mostly unintelligible.

Richter retired from the NHL in 2003 because of an overwhelming number of concussions. He was accepted at Yale soon after (again, not kidding). He is majoring in Political Science and will graduate in 2008. It is widely speculated that Mark Messier would be Richter's Chief of Staff/Enforcer.

5 comments:

Kevin Price said...

Hockey rocks! So does your picture. I'll have to visit your site more often.

John said...

Dude - your blog is hilarious. That's only kind of sports coverage I can tolerate. No sober analysis for me. No sir!

jake said...

dear wild hockey blogger,
how do you come up with the 'labels?' Is that like a 'keyword' for google or something? are there lots of people out there googling 'conservative pussy?'

sincerely,
political hockey pundit extraodinaire

Ellen said...

mike richter is officially my hockey hero. goodbye mike modano, hello mike richter! yale? running for office? a special photo shoot with the rockettes? who knew?

also, would mike richter be something like the first nhl hockey player in us congress? the first stanley cup winner in us congress? the winningest goalie? the goalie with the most concussions in US congress? the first NHL player to graduate from yale in us congress? what?!

love your sister

ps, thank you for sort of answering my question. you are very nice person.

Nae said...

Wow. Doesn't this set up some kind of ultimate sports celebrity death match between Richter and Curt Schilling? Normally I'd say that safe money is always on the hockey player but those baseballers are juice heads. Winner gets Ron Artest in a steel cage -- not to fight, just to keep.