The Brian Rolston Situation: Someone's Wife is Not Happy

Wild fans! I apologize. It's been too long. After the Wild's game 5 loss to the Ducks I lost my muse - how could I not?? But then some wonderful reader posted a great comment. My muse returned.

Those of you who are long time readers of Casual Hockey will remember Rolston's visit to my bedroom (wow, that really sounds terrible) during last season's playoff run. In short, my new wife of 7 months had some kinky dream about Rolston. Apparently, he was a BIG part of the dream. Not to worry, we're still going strong. Brian Rolston might have a really hard slapshot and piles of money stashed away in his basement and come to think of it, he's probably in excellent physical condition, too. Point is, he's not going to ruin this marriage!

To my dismay, my lady pursued the Brian Rolston Situation (that's what we call it now) and after many hours of research on the internets she found credible information (Wikipedia is credible, right?) that Rolston was in fact divorced. (By the way, as you can read in the post, she was WAY too excited about this possibility. Then, inexplicably, she started in on Brent Burns. So now we have the Brent Burns Situation. This is my home life. It consumes me.)

And so, we come to July 2, 2007. More than two months after my last post. More than two months since I claimed Rolston was divorced. I get this comment from an "anonymous" reader:

Brian Rolston is not divorced. Someone must of edited [Wikipedia] because go back and it says he is married...he is not divorced, and I don't know why you care about this stuff.

-Anonymous

Then, "Anonymous" closed with, "My husband - er, I mean Brian Rolston is a happily married man. And if you EVER write anything to the contrary again , I will fucking kill you!" Ok, not really, but I'm pretty sure that Brian Rolston's wife left that first comment. Read it again. It's completely crazy. I love the, "I don't know why you care about this stuff" line. Yeah, I don't know why either. Umm, it's funny? Can that be a reason why?

In any case, you know you've made it to the big time when players' wives are reading your shit. But I feel for her, because if you google 'brian rolston's wife' check out the first thing that pops up. (Also, my blog muse is now officially named Mrs. Rolston. Thank you for making me write again. Readers, check back for more frequent updates.)

UPDATE: Rolston to continue bedroom visits with Brent Burns in tow

Last week, my wife had a dream about Brian Rolston. Today at 2:27pm I get this email:

Subject: rolston

wikipedia says he's divorced!!!

Later, I get this email:

Subject: brent burns

brent burns is my new favorite. i'm going to have a dream about him, but it'll be a lot less refined than the dream about rolston. i mean, burns is a boy, rolston is a man. it'll be a slobbery frat boy flashback type dream.

Ummm...should I be worried about this? She's clearly way too excited about the fact that Rolston is divorced. Let's keep in mind that we've only been married about 8 months. (Is it too soon for marital strife?) At first it was funny, but isn't this taking it a little far? "Slobbery frat boy flashback type dream..." What is that supposed to mean?!? (Does "flashback" imply that she's had "slobbery frat boy" encounters in the past? Who is this woman???)

Brian Rolston paid a visit to my bedroom and I didn't even get an autograph

This morning I wake up and my wife rolls over and says, "Oh, I had the weirdest dream last night!" She's sort of giggly and smilely while she says this, so immediately I'm wondering what the hell she's going to tell me. Then she says with an even bigger smile, "I dreamt I was making out with Brian Rolston!!" She's clearly very excited about this. I ask her what "making out" means. She says, "You know, making out! Just a little fun. It was nothing serious."

Nothing serious? A little FUN??? What does that even mean? She's fantasizing about an actual person! It's not as if she's having a dream about some nameless, faceless dude. (Although that makes me wonder, is it worse if the dude is nameless and faceless because that implies some kind of unfillable void in your relationship? Or is it worse if it's an actual human because then there's an actual possibility of it happening? And if the latter is worse, should I be constantly worried about this? For example, when my wife says she's going to "run an errand," what kind of errand is she running??) If it's going to be a real person, I'd much rather it be a professional hockey player as opposed to, say, some guy I work with. That would just be creepy and awful.

Generally, it's not a good sign if your wife is having dreams or fantasies about other men...I'm told. But in this case, I wonder if it's a good omen, it being game day and all. I mean if my wife's dream about "making out" with Brian Rolston helps the Wild win tonight, I'm all for it. Plus, if she's going to "make out" with someone on the Wild it might as well be Rolston - solid player, nice enough guy, etc. If she fantasized about the following guys, I'd be pissed/worried:

• Little PMB - He looks like he's 13. That would just be weird.



• Pavol Demitra - He's got that unusual Eastern Euro thing going on and I find it a bit disconcerting. A guy like that should never be in your wife's dreams.



• Boogaard - I think it's obvious why. I'm pretty sure Boogaard would put me to shame...that's all I'm going to say.



• Marian Gaborik - You'll have to click the link to see what I'm talking about. Seriously.

I'm not really sure how to wrap this up. It's sorta weird my wife has a thing for Rolston, but it's also sorta awesome. I think he gets two tonight in a Wild victory. But if she asks me to grow a soul patch, I'll know this whole thing has gone a bit too far.